May 2008 Archives

KathyHowe just announced that she had to give up one of her gigs.

About a month ago, mostly unprovoked by anything in particular, I said to Missy that if I have to take on any additional commitments beyond what I have now, something is going to have to give. I already feel strapped. I am approaching the limit of my capacity to do stuff. These are my current commitments:

• Missy
• my job
• choir
• Metblog
• Race in the Workplace
• my personal domains

Missy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. The j-o-b isn't changing over the next year at least. I already feel like I should give more to Metblog. Race in the Workplace, while it isn't a huge commitment, always ends up taking more time than I think it will (which is fine, but I need to manage that better). I really like being back in the habit of posting here and I'm still deciding what to do with my other domain, especially since the job hunt will be upon me before I know it.

What's different is choir. I've been asked to consider a couple of expanded roles. Which I would loooove to do. But I don't think I can do both. I know I can't do both and keep up with everything else. I might choose one extra choir duty instead of both.

Right now I'm going with the "let it simmer and something will come to you" and "ask Missy" methods of figuring out what to do. There's probably some objective method of weighing my goals and priorities vs the amount of effort required. I have to reconcile the internal "what's immediately satisfying and fulfilling and enjoyable" vs the external "what will do me and/or others good in the bigger picture." They don't have to be mutually exclusive, but they're not always the same.

Regardless, it's gotta be quality over quantity. I know this in my head, but it pains me! I hate feeling like I'm letting somebody down. Maybe I'm not actually. And I'm sure whatever gives, the parties I'm responsible to will understand. I do like everything that I'm involved in. I just can't do it all.

Mel's slowly recovering from her close encounter with a tick (on her person!).

I completely admit that I overreacted, but HELLO! There was a LIVE BUG STUCK TO MY HEAD and in no world where I live will I ever be fine with that. Ever!

I wonder if they make some sort of Frontline for human beings because that might just come in handy here in the country. If all else fails, my neighbors are going to be seeing me sporting this bad boy while gardening and I won't even care.

Casey, my friend and expert outdoorsy person, tells you everything you need to know about modern outhouses and what to do if you simply must shit in the woods.

Yes, nothing like opening the lid of the toity and seeing big cobwebs strung around. Clenches me right up.

So, to recap:
1) Toilet lid closed
2) Door closed

Finally, based on my professional experience, just walk up the trail a tick and potty in the woods. Don't dookie--that's not savory for anyone, but piddles are totally okay. Frankly, I'd walk a long way into the woods to piddle, rather than hoisting my lady bits over some open hole. Outhouses...brrr. But if you gotta, you gotta.

Pat Griffin (whom I don't know) has the best response I've read so far to the WNBA's inclusion of fashion and makeup tips in rookie orientation.

It feels so defensive...so desperate. Renee Brown, WNBA VP of player personnel said (with my interpretations in parentheses), "The league aims to show its players as mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces and entrepreneurs (but not lesbians!) and their womanhood (heterosexual femininity) is important to promote the league (so fans don't notice the lesbian players or the ones who are not so feminine). Later, she says, "You're a (heterosexual) woman first. You just happen to play sports. They enjoy dressing up and trying on outfits, when back in the day (when all women athletes were lesbians), everyone just wore sweats. Call it what you want, we are just celebrating their womanhood (heterosexual femininity)." Does that help everyone to understand what this is about?

Reading this New York Times story on young gay men getting married got me thinking again about this whole topic of marriage.

The thing that really struck me is not so much how these guys' experience sounds so gay, it's just that they seem so young and naive, and they go through the same things young couples in general go through. They don't know how to manage their own money, much less how to do it together. Some of them still live with their parents. Some of them think that just because they love each other so much it's all going to work out.

I drove myself a little nuts trying to compare my own situation. It's not comparable. The boys and the girls exist in different dynamics. We're in our 30s. We live in Minneapolis, MN.

What is the same is that lots of gay couples struggle with whether or not they want a wedding or some kind of celebration, and if so what that would look like. It's hard to balance a knee-jerk opposition to anything resembling a traditional heterosexual wedding and the fact that we are socialized to aspire to that situation. I kind of don't want to do it the "normal" way, but I do really want to get up in front of all the people I know and share with them how much I love this woman.

Did I mention that Missy and I decided we want to get married? I don't think I did. I don't even remember now when that happened (she's gonna have something to say about that). I just know that telling her that I was totally and completely in love with her and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life felt like such an inadequate way to express how I felt. The strongest words I could come up with were "I want you to marry me." (And then I went back and actually asked.)

So we're pretty settled that there will be a wedding, we just have no plans for one. I'm okay with that, but honestly I'm not 100% sure about it. It's not at all because I'm not committed. I totally am. No question. And our day to day wouldn't change. I'm just a little conflicted about the ceremony part.

It's really hard to mentally separate the fact that the ceremony and the legal piece of paper aren't actually linked. I'm "enh" on the wedding, but I do want to be married.

I do really like Mint, in theory. It's personal finance software. It's free. It has some budgeting features and gives you some visibility around where your money is and where your money goes. But it's not all crazy complicated like Quicken.

It's pretty. It's very pretty to look at.

They just announced a private beta in which they're adding 401(k), IRA, brokerage, and mutual fund accounts. Which is nice and all. But for me, that stuff is secondary to my checking and savings account. They already include investment accounts from my credit union, but not checking and savings (or student loans, mortgages, etc.). How can I have an even remotely accurate assessment of my overall financial picture if I can't see the cash I have on hand?

Maybe that's the difference between how I manage my money and how someone who has more money manages theirs. Maybe your cash on hand is relatively inconsequential. But for me, with that credit card debt, and the fact that I pay cash for everything (or if I charge it, I'll only do it to get the frequent flyer miles and I'll only do it if I know I have the cash to pay off that charge immediately, and I do pay it off immediately) it is critical to know how much cash I have in the bank.

And I already have my 401(k) plugged in, because it's through a bank that they already include.

They automatically load and categorize the expenses you charge to your credit cards (and I presume to your debit card, if you have access to your checking/savings). But what if you spend cash or write checks for things? That's a whole lot of missing expenses, so that makes the budgeting feature pretty useless.

There's a feature called SpendSpace in which you can (anonymously) compare your spending to others based on various demographics. But again, that depends on having an accurate picture of what you're actually spending.

They suggest opportunities to save money by letting you know which credit card company of the day is offering a special balance transfer or interest rate deal. If you're in the market for that sort of thing, that's great, too. They bring the info to you, much like your friendly neighborhood postal worker does. But those, of course, are subject to a whole bunch of Ifs so you may not actually qualify for jackshit.

It also doesn't include my car or school loans.

So all Mint does for me right now is give me a really pretty-looking picture of my total credit card debt. Which I already track obsessively and for which I visit each card's website pretty regularly anyway. Mostly useless.

It is really pretty, though.