August 2004 Archives

... if you find Real Life vs the Internet as hilarious as I did.

(via daniel)

Ever wonder what happened to Lisa Welchel? She got Jesus.

(via Wanda Wisdom)

I'm in my new place. It didn't go so badly. Sunshine Sinatra was a huge help (and it seems he now reads this site, or at least has been here once and very thoroughly perused it, but that's another post for another day). I slept about 13 hours on Saturday night. I started to get some things put away on Sunday and then I hit the wall right when I had crap all over my bed. Couldn't even take a nap. But I've made decent progress unpacking so far.

• What better way to close the games than with Mia Hamm bearing the flag Mary Carillo commentating? I kid! Sort of. But seriously, Mia Hamm carrying the flag out. Awwwww. Almost as good as Dawn Staley carrying the flag in, but only because of my personal bias towards basketball.
• The Olympic cauldron: Giant doobie or giant erection? I've heard equal evidence for both.
• I liked our athletes wearing the vests better than I liked the jackets they wore during the Open Ceremony. And bucket hats this time around.
• The Opening Ceremony was a tribute to Apollo. The Closing Ceremony is a tribute to Dionysus. Sounds appropriate for a big party.
• People say that American's have no culture. Which is not true. But our culture just isn't that old. Plus, you're gonna have a different kind of culture when your country is an amalgam of a huge variety of other cultures. Point being, it's so different watching "traditional" celebrations from other countries that go back so much farther than ours. We don't have a national dance. If we did, what would it be? The Electric Slide Hustle? That's done at every wedding I've ever been to. And it's sort of hard to look at countries like Australia and New Zealand where the native people have such a strong cultural influence despite whatever difficulty they may have had with the white folks that showed up, and knowing that's not the case in America.
• And I know this is Greece, but the whole wedding thing looked like Fiddler on the Roof to me.
• The fake wheat was tripping me out.
• Looking at all these Greeks with their noses and such, I have a much better idea of what "classically beautiful" is. They're gorgeous, but... not. I don't know. It's weird.
• Commercial break: Jane Pauley is bipolar?
• I'm pretty sure the Maori don't shimmy their shoulders when they do the Haka like these Greek soldiers are doing during their war dance.
• I'm impressed by the detail in the choreography. The harvesting of the wheat and the setting of the feast table. People in the stands could hardly see all that. It looked great on camera, though. I guess I was expecting more of a macro marching band formation-type presentation. And as I thought that all the wheat-bearing people lined up in the shape of the Olympic rings.
• Commercial break: Now that I've seen a Shark Tale commercial other than the Coca-Cola/Mary J. Blige one, I might have to go see that. Or rent it someday. Also, I hate to admit it, but I might also be interested in watching Father of the Pride and Scrubs. I never watched Scrubs, but this Heather Graham thing looks interesting.
• How cool would it be to get your medal awarded at the Closing Ceremony? And not to take away from the Brazilian guy that got accosted by that crazy Irish dude, but I don't see how his finishing the race merits this extra-special sportsmanship award.
• It's nice to feel a sense of national pride, and not be worried about how it might be connected to the Bush administration and the Middle East and whether or not it's appropriate to be feeling national pride in the first place.
• I like how Canada had "Canada" written in Greek on their shirts (ΚΑΝΑΔΙΑ ΚΑΝΑΔΑΣ). What a neat souvenir.
• Gianna Angelopolous-Daskalaki processing in was radiant. Just like she was during the Opening Ceremony. Just like she was talking to Bob Costas, wearing the same shorts and shirt all the volunteers wore. When Bob asked her about the murmur about a possible political office for her, I didn't see how this kind of thing would lead to political office. Maybe a high ranking business opportunity, but not political office. But then I heard her answer to the question, and she sounded like the consummate politician. She's got a serious widow's peak.
• That chick carrying the Olympic flag was the first female mayor of Athens/first female mayor of an Olympic host city I was talking about. She was taller than the mayor of Beijing. Heh.
• Commercial break: Meet the Fockers. Uh, I don't think so. Lawdy, I can't stand Ben Stiller.
• Okay, that was nice with the Chinese girls playing the traditional music on the traditional instruments while the traditional red streamer dance was going on. But I highly doubt the mini-skirts are traditional.
• How cute was that little Chinese girl singing the jasmine song?
• I believe the two women sailors that got to light the lantern from the flame are the ones who kissed (and kissed and kissed and kissed) when they won their gold medal. Not that I'd want to get all that close to that gigantic flame, but the lantern was so obviously not a flame. Very cool with the whole audience flickering their lights. And then the little girl blowing the flame out.
• Looking at these Greek pop stars and wondering who would be onstage in the United States, I wonder who we would have who would be not only popular, but also respected. But also not ancient and played out. (That means you, Aretha Franklin.) I remember nothing about what went on in Atlanta. In fact, what I remember most about Atlanta was the "Always Coca-Cola" series of ads. Very catchy.
• I wish we could have seen/heard that Sakis Rouvas guy a little better. He's like a Greek Ricky Martin. And one of those chicks sounded just like Gloria Estefan. Looked a little like her, too.
• Michael Phelps is gonna grow out of that lisp, right?

• Women's basketball. Gold medal. Thought so.
• Antigone guestposting at feministe says that the success of American women in the Olympics is proof positive that Title IX is working.
• The men's basketball team lost their semifinal to Argentina. Wish I could say I felt badly about it. At least they won the bronze. Sheesh.
• Not to beat a dead horse, but I can't fucking believe I watched synchronized fucking swimming in fucking primetime and NBC did not air one moment of women's basketball or softball and only the gold medal game for soccer.
• If the colors in Italy's flag are red, white, and green, why are all their uniforms blue?
• Abby Wambach: so gay. Brianna Scurry: pings hard, but no confirmation.
• Seeing pictures of the winner of Minnesota's Biggest Boar, I was reminded of the heavyweight wrestlers. I can see where the term "hung like a bull" comes from. Also, not a fan of watching the male sprinters come... um... bouncing down the track. Especially in slo-mo.
• I can't get enough on the stories of the dominance of the American women's teams in softball, soccer, and basketball. But, you know, nice of NBC to keep bringing it up when they didn't show any of the competition to the majority of the national audience. But anyway, team sports is where it's at, baby. I can see the appeal of personal achievement in individual sports, but I think it's not as fun unless you've got people to share it with.
• I also can't get enough of that image of Misty May and Kerri Walsh on the medal stand, with Kerri's hand on Misty's shoulder and a huge grin on her face.
• I read somewhere somebody said that gymnastics is basically the figure skating of the summer games. And they are so right.
• I swear, most of the (black) track winners talked about god in their post-race interview or did some kind of praying thing on the track after they won. I didn't see anybody in any other sport do that.

I do. I really really hate it. And this move isn't even that difficult. The only easier move I've had was the one time I had movers do it all for me. I should shut up about that until the whole process is complete, though. I think I'm just cranky because I haven't gotten any sleep since before work yesterday.

• The soccer team sends the 91ers — Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain, Julie Foudy, Kristine Lilly, and Joy Fawcett — off with a gold medal. Abby Wambach scored the winning goal with a header in extra time. Woot! *sniffle*
• The women's basketball team squeaked by Russia to make it into the gold medal game. That was way too close for comfort. Tamika Catchings is too adorable. The little thingy she and Sue Bird did at the winery was cute. And I so wanted Lisa Leslie (or somebody) to dunk the ball.
• Well, whaddaya know. After that inane conversation with Stephon Marbury during the women's quarterfinal game, he went and scored a USA-record 31 points in the men's quarterfinal. Spain's head coach is a big ol' sore loser (via Women's Hoops Blog)
• Half the fun of watching triathlons is watching the transitions from swimming to biking, and from biking to running. If they've got their feet out of their shoes, and they're hopping off their bikes at full speed when they hit that red line, don't they scrape the shit out of their feet?
• Why are they re-airing the story on the Afghan women? Are they all out of stories?
• Jayda Evans on NBC's suckage. The network is withholding half the news! (via AOGB)
• Kiwi medalists won't be allowed to bring their olive wreaths into New Zealand. I guess I can see the point, but I think I'd be really upset if it were my olive wreath.
• When I watch soccer goalies dive for the ball, I'm convinced they're gonna go head first into the post every time.
• Some of these Greeks have some serious noses.
• The women's 4x100 relay team — LaTasha Colander, Angela Williams, Lauryn Williams, and Marion Jones — smoked every team in their heat. They were 1.5 seconds ahead of the second place finisher. I can't decide how I feel about Marion Jones. Is she a cheater? Did she get the shaft? I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but her responses to the whole thing have been pretty sketchy.
• Seriously, 4.5 hours of race walk coverage?
• Apparently our local tv schedule doesn't exactly follow what NBC has listed because this is Wayne Brady, not canoeing.

I got nothing for a title.

• HOLD THE PHONE. Misty May and Kerri Walsh are gonna be on Leno on Monday night.
• I confess, I'm totally leering at the athletes (in case you couldn't tell). I know some folks have issues, but I can't bring myself to be indignant about the objectification.
• Sharing this article is less about a Sports Illustrated columnist calling for an end to judged sports in the Olympics and more about how retarded it is to blog for SI and refer to oneself in the third person as "The Blog." (via AOGB)
• I think I like springboard diving more than platform. No reason.
• The most popular unofficial Olympic sport: sex. The American press stays pretty mum about this. I'd like to see more analysis of the data beyond how many condoms are given away.
• It seems to me that the form for sprinting hurdles (so, the 110m) is a lot different than the form for the longer distance hurdle races. The sprinters seem to stay level and basically just pick their legs up underneath them, whereas in the longer distances they're more hopping over the hurdle (like that damn steeplechase).
• Plus, how is it okay to run the race and knock half the damn hurdles over? Shouldn't that be a condition of winning the race?
• Marion Jones. Long jump finalist. Yeah yeah yeah. Next.
• NBC's coverage of the men's volleyball quarterfinal match against Greece was equally as decent as yesterday's coverage of the women's loss to Brazil. Except the guys rally resulted in a win. The game was tight, and there were some controversial moments like when someone in the stands blew a whistle, causing the Greek team to stop playing and thus lose the second-to-last point.
• I have a really bad feeling I'm going to miss the Closing Ceremony (due to lack of tv reception in my new apartment), and it sounds like they're going to be pretty cool. It'll be hard to top the Opening Ceremony, though. The choreographer should be proud of himself.
• Long jumpers must be second only to beach volleyballers in sand up the shorts.
• Tom Hammond, one of the track and field commentators, looks like he does drag.

• The women's basketball team rolled over Greece. Why the fuck did we have to listen to five full minutes of Stephon Marbury's retarded-sounding ass on the sideline? The women are playing right now. Why is the men's team still more important? Pffffft. I wish they would spend five minutes of a guy's game talking to Tina Thompson. Maybe they would (doubt it), but I'd have to actually watch a guy's game to find that out.
• Russian gymnast Alexei Bondarenko suffered a spine injury during the vault competition. Did anybody else hear about this? Me, neither. Stupid NBC.
• Brutus Katie Smith is out of the Olympics for good with torn cartilage in her knee. Which means the likelihood of her being healthy for the Lynx is slim.
• I'm really tired of all the track and field crap in the primetime coverage. Every freakin' heat and half the damn marathon. I hadn't realized that not one minute of women's basketball or softball has been shown on NBC. WTF?
• NBC's coverage of the women's volleyball quarterfinal match against undefeated Brazil didn't totally suck. USA was down two games, then rallied to win the next two before dropping the final game, thus eliminating them from competition. Sad that they lost, but it was an exciting match to watch. If Logan Tom needs any comforting, I'm available.
• Why is there a gymnastics Champions Gala? Didn't we already spend five days watching them compete? Why do we need an exhibition now? Nobody else does this. Another waste of primetime airtime.
• Steeplechase thoughts: I hate listening to anyone on tv try to pronounce "Qatar." This is just as dumb as canoeing. It's like hurdles, but with less hurdles, and one big puddle. What the fuck is the point of the puddle?
• Nigeria became the first African women's basketball team to win a game in international competition.
• Michael Rosenberg of the Freep takes us on a tour of the Queen Mary 2, where both USA basketball teams are staying.
• A nice little story about Diana Taurasi. Whether you like her or not, you have to admit she's an amazing basketball player.
• Mmmm... beach volleyball... :9

This was getting too long to go in the bulleted list.

So Misty May and Kerri Walsh beat Brazil to win the beach volleyball gold. (Elaine Youngs and Holly McPeak also beat Australia to win the bronze. Woot!)

Misty and Kerri were so cute doing their interview in the studio. They so adore each other. Kerri has her hands on Misty, like, all the time. She grabbed her during the medal ceremony. She was grabbing her sitting there in the studio. Can I get in that Misty/Kerri sandwich?

Kerri could barely stand still on the medal stand, she was so excited. I've never seen anyone that giddy on the podium. But even better than that was the moment immediately following the match-winning point.

They jump up and down, hug, Misty May falls then turns over on all fours, Kerri Walsh drops to her knees and slaps Misty's ass, Misty jumps up and picks her wedge, then grabs Kerri and they writhe in the sand for a second before they take off to do their victory lap and jump up into the stands.

I do like volleyball in and of itself. I do. I would still watch even if they weren't half-nekkid. I would.

I just got off the phone with my mom. Ordinarily, I'd just call my sister with this story, but it's kinda late to be calling. Do you know how many times we've called each other with "you would not believe what your mother just said"? A lot.

• Awwwww, Lisa Fernandez. *sniffle*
• Sunshine Sinatra keeps expressing his disbelief that the Olympics could be interesting to watch because "it's like watching college sports." And then he turns around and goes on about NASCAR. Right.
• The beach volleyball sand is not from Greece and not even from a beach.
• USA Softball is so good that the IOC wants to get rid of it?
• I wish Al Trautwig would shut the fuck up. But he's still better than John Tesh talkin' about "Doh-minique Dawes." Also, that high bar judging mess was a trip.
• Hitting a softball pitch is harder than you think.
• NBC totally skimped on the USA vs USA women's beach volleyball semifinal coverage. Bastards.
• There has not been a whole lot of coverage on Bravo that I enjoy (lots of equestrian). But there is Mary Carillo. Even though she looks like her teeth are constantly clenched. And she's funny! She can do so much more than tennis. I suspect she's got a big ol' scarlet L on underneath that blazer, if you know what I'm saying.
• I wish I could have watched the BBC's swimming coverage.
• Canoeing is retarded. It runs on the same course as rowing, and uses similar-looking boats. Only it's one person kneeling in the boat, facing forward, and rowing with one paddle. They have this funky lunging thing going on. How is this appreciably different from kayaking (not to be confused with whitewater kayaking)? How many different ways can you paddle a boat down a river? Skeen-yahs!

Fresh Perm = Happy Scalp! So smooth. The time between touch-ups is determined by the size of the hairball left after combing my hair in the shower. When it gets to be baseball-sized, it's beyond time.

My roommates-to-be seem to like me and seem genuinely happy/relieved that I'll be moving in. I guess they had some trouble with previous interested parties.

There have been a number of interesting developments on the job front, all of a sudden. Vastly different options. Don't know what I'll do with them, but the good part is that there are developments in the first place. Options are good.

I seem to have fallen into a habit of cooking on Sundays. It's weird, this cooking thing. But I'm eatin' good.

One of my favorite authors has resumed writing one of my favorite series of books. And since it's self-published, I get to read it as she goes along.

This is exactly the sort of thing that made me want to be an engineer.

Dr Chris Baber from [the University of Birmingham, England's] department of Electronic, Electrical and Computer Engineering has collaborated with researchers at the National Technical University of Athens to make an 'on-body' computer which will track the acceleration, pace and body temperature of the wearer.

The computer, which is strapped to an athlete's chest and wrists, sends signals to a receiver via a radio link. In the case of a volleyball game, there is a corresponding data collector in the ball which, when hit by the player, also sends information back to the receiver. The data is collected on a laptop and a graph produced which shows detailed information about the forces from the hand of the player and the forces applied to the ball.

(via AOGB)

• The IOC says no blogging for Olympic athletes. Lame. (via Funkalicious)
• USA Softball is playing for the gold medal against Australia tomorrow. To get there, they shut out Australia for the second time in today's semifinal. Yeah, the gold medal game will be the third meeting with Australia in this tournament. And I'm actually gonna go to bed now (okay, soon) so I can get up early to watch the game.
• Svetlana Khorkina says, "I was robbed!" And then she fell off the bars in the individual medal competition. I didn't know she had a move named after herself that both the Americans included in their routines. (via AOGB)
• Women's basketball kicked China's ass and will play Greece in their quarterfinal on Wednesday. Diana Taurasi finally found her shot and had a team high 19 points. Brutus Katie Smith played a minute, re-sprained her knee, and spent the rest of the game either on the bench or in a wheelchair. At this point I'd rather see her just rest, get her token minutes in the gold medal game, and be healthy for the Lynx when WNBA play resumes.
• I love how in volleyball the whole team hugs/slaps hands/whatever after every play, even if they lose the point. Team USA beat Cuba (who has won the last two gold medals) 3-0 to stay alive and knock Germany out of the quarterfinal. This is the team's most inspired performance so far. They totally had it together. Logan Tom and Heather Bown, in particular, had spectacular games. And let's keep that camera shot from behind the server when Logan Tom bends over to bounce the ball before every serve.
• A Norweigan beach volleyball team were reprimanded by the IOC for advertising a product during their matches. The product? Contraceptive patches. Team Norway insists the patches are a "personal item." (via AOGB)
• Now Buzz gets it. The Olympics are all about the love.
• How come we only got 15 minutes of Misty May and Kerri Walsh's quarterfinal win over Canada? You suck, NBC. We sure as hell better get the entirety of their semifinal against the other Team USA, Elaine Youngs and Holly McPeak (who have lost to May/Walsh something like 11 times).
• When that Greek guy won the gold medal on the rings, it was neat to hear the whole arena singing along with the national anthem. Alsok I will never ever refer to gymnastics as "gymno."

• Women's basketball won again. Men's basketball lost again. No surprises there.
• Not to say that an OIympic delegation is necessarily representative of the ethnic demographics of a country, but... there sure are a lot of black people in France. Speaking of which, Malia Mettala became the first black swimming medalist with her silver medal in the 50m freestyle.
• The softball team beat Japan to finish 7-0 in pool play with a 41-0 scoring margin.
• Okay, fine. I kind of like Svetlana Khorkina, too. In similar style, it was fun to watch Sweden's Carolina Kluft win the heptathlon.
• Hellloooo, Brenda Taylor. Yum.
• NBC did a piece on the women from Afghanistan, and female representation from historically oppressive countries (and Iraq's soccer team). Gianna Angelopoulos-Daskalaki, the President of the Athens 2004 Organizing Committee and the Woman Who Made the Games Happen, also got a mention. (Hey, did you know the mayor of Athens is the city's first female mayor as well as the first female mayor of an Olympic host city?) I was a little verklempt watching Robina Muqimyar on the track, three seconds behind everyone else in her 100m heat, in her t-shirt and long pants.
• Paul and Morgan Hamm are fraternal twins. Except when they're identical.
• Stacey Dragila! Nooooooo!
• I was watching weightlifting, and I chuckled every time they said "snatch."
• Rowing is fun to watch just because the name of the venue is fun to say. Schinias. Skeen-yahs.

The latest craze: Doing a Lynndie. Simultaneously hilarious and really fucked up.

(via TCB)

*Phoon

I think I've got a place to live squared away. I left work early on Thursday to go see it. (Coincidentally, I was also available for dinner with a friend and her visiting sister. I swear I didn't plan that. It just worked out that way. It was so nice to be out with people at the times that normal people are out socializing, except driving in rush hour traffic sucked.)

I'm deathly afraid the landlord will reject my rental application on account of my shoddy credit. That would suck the big schlong. Let's hope that doesn't happen. I faxed it to one of my potential roommates yesterday morning, and she sent it right off to the landlord. The emails I've gotten from them indicate all systems are go, so either they're just being optimistic, or I've already passed. I figure I'll be hearing from the landlord today or tomorrow if I don't pass. No news is good news....

• An update on the Afghan women competing in the Olympics. (via AOGB)
• I'm so over Michael Phelps. You can tell he's a 19-year-old boy.
• Yay for the women's 4x200 freestyle relay team! Also, Natalie Coughlin is hotter than Amanda Beard. When they're not looking exactly like each other.
• Knowing how the men's gymnastics all around competition ends, it's kind of funny listening to the commentators immediately following Paul Hamm's big vault wipeout.
• Everybody hates our men's basketball team (via AOGB). Ted thinks the women's team are a bit holier-than-thou about it.
• Buzz wonders what is it about the Olympics?
• If I were ever on an Olympic podium, I'd be inclined to sing along with the Star Spangled Banner. But having watched a number of athletes receive their medals and look a little silly half-mouthing the words (e.g., Michael Phelps), I think now I'd rather just stand there and absorb the moment (e.g., Paul Hamm).
• Does anybody else see the irony in women's beach volleyball players griping over the dancing girls, considering the dancers are wearing more than the athletes are?
• Hearing "Hellas! Hellas!" is almost as exciting as hearing "U-S-A! U-S-A!"

For some odd reason, Dairy Queen decided to call one of their Blizzards a MooLatte. A MooLatte.

What the hell?! I mean, seriously. How do you not catch that? Of all the people involved in a product launch, not one person thought about how that sounded? Or if they did, no one said anything? Did someone say something and it got squashed?

A couple writers from a Houston weekly paper did some follow up resulting in a hilarious conversation with a DQ spokesperson.

Q: This drink, it's not the "Mulatto"?

A: No. No. No. "Moo," meaning cow, and then "latte," meaning—

Q: OK. We were thinking of some other possible items, and I just wanted to run them by you. How about the High Yellow Butterscotch Sundae?

It kind of reminds me of an anchorwoman who got fired from a Detroit news station for making a comment about a gorilla being "chocolate brown" after some vapid segment on local singles featured a black woman stating her preference for chocolate brown men.

• Lots of bulleted lists this week. Deal.
• This week's Bonfire of the Vanities is up at Feste...a foolsblog.
• That gold medal-winning men's 4x200 freestyle team has a big ol' Michigan connection. There was a lot of Michael Phelps buttcrack showing during that celebration.
• So many athletes, such a big closet.
• In case you were wondering (because I was), this is how Puerto Rico gets its own Olympic team.

Post it up....

My web log brings all the nerds to the yard,
and I'm like: "mine's better than yours".
Damn right, it's better than yours!
I can link you, but I have to charge!

(via Heather's "Marketing at Microsoft" Blog)

• "Blog Interrupted," from the Washington Post Magazine about Jessica Cutler aka Washingtonienne, who blogged about fucking government staffers and got caught. Quotes from Dooce!
• I've decided I really like Rebecca Lobo's reporting/commentating on WNBA games. (I watched the WNBA vs Team USA game again.)
• So, this Free iPod thing. I get hung up on the "complete 1 of the offers below" part. By all accounts this deal works, but I'm not tryinna sign up for some shit I don't want, even if I can cancel it right away.
• Camryn Manheim news: "I have a spinoff in the works [a half-hour comedy to feature Manheim's Practice character, Ellenor Frutt]" and "I traveled up to Vancouver to do three episodes of The L Word." Eeeee! (via The L Word Online)
• There is such a thing as too much garlic. *breathes fire*
• While I was cutting up a head of lettuce so I could have some salad for dinner, I had a total flashback to when I worked at Arby's in high school and I would cut up lettuce for salads in the mornings.

• I told you Ian Thorpe is hot. (via Tanya)
• I like Blaine Wilson's tattoos on the insides of his biceps.
• On the first night of men's gymnastics, did anybody see that guy dislocate his finger on the parallel bars? His middle finger was bent upward at the second knuckle, at a 60° angle. He hopped off the bars and ran over to his coach or trainer or whoever who just knocked it back into place. I think they taped it up and he went right back up there.
• Phevos and Athena, this year's mascots, are as cute as giant noses with feet can be. (via AOGB)
• Mary Carillo looks like her jaw is wired shut when she talks.
• In advertising: Colby Donaldson doing a Shick Quattro ad. Huh. And I love that little girl in the Chevy Malibu commercial going "Alakazam! Alakazam! Alakazam!" She is too cute.

This advice on creating a secure and easy-to-remember password seems obvious, but I know I always freeze up when I have to come up with something on the spot.

The best password I've ever made up contains my age at the time I made it up. I haven't seen that age in a loooong time. Um, and I'm still using that password in some places. I think I'm gonna spend some time coming up with something new.

I'll do it while I'm at work. I can stretch that out for a good 30 minutes.

(via Dean's World)

• I can't possibly transcribe all the thoughts I have on the Olympics, so I won't even start. Much.
• Patrick Stewart sound-alike?! That was James Earl Jones. Sheesh.
• I love how they're putting laurel olive wreaths on the medalists' heads.
• The tennis broadcasters mentioned that Martina Navratilova is the 5th oldest American athlete. Except that everybody older than her is competing in shooting, archery, or equestrian. I think it's safe to say that being a 47-year-old tennis player is a far cry, athletically, from being a 52-year-old archer.
• Need a feel-good story? Try Mohini Bhardwaj. Even though gymnasts are generally a little creepy on account of the stunted growth, the fact that she's closer to my age makes her a little bit hotter. Now if she would just stop squeaking. (via AOGB)
• Maybe I don't dislike Lisa Leslie that much. She suggested the men's team ought to watch the women's team to pick up some tips on how to play international basketball. I reserve the right to take that back when WNBA play resumes.
• Ogling Watching all these athletes makes me feel like I should get off my duff. Good thing this will all be over in two weeks.
• You know how when ABC picked up the rights to NBA Basketball and thus that "NBA on NBC" John Tesh theme song is no longer in use and it was kind of "not right" at first without that song, but now it doesn't really matter? Would it be the same if NBC ever lost/passed on the rights to the Olympics?
• Judo looks like 8-year-olds fighting. They slap at other, then grab each other by the sleeves and sort of push each other around, and eventually somebody falls down.
• Dude. Ian Thorpe is hot. Seriously.

major work bullshit
+ apartment search
+ not enough sleep
+ Olympics
= very pooped, occupied Irk

Dawn Staley has been chosen to carry the flag for the United States in the parade of nations at the Olympics Opening Ceremonies. She's the first basketball player and only the fifth woman to do so for the U.S. This is her third Olympics.

*raises the roof*

P.S. Supposing hypothetically you were trying to put the entire Olympic viewing schedule into your calendar, that would probably take you a really long time.

UPDATE:

I thoroughly enjoyed the entirety of the Opening Ceremonies. I had chills. My heart swelled with love and pride. Cheesy, I know, but it's true. It was so well put together. An unbelievably gorgeous production. At one point there was a camera shot of the flame, right after it had been lit but before it was raised upright, looking out over the athletes gathered in the center of the stadium. Awesome.

I love seeing the outfits that each country wears. I love seeing the faces of the athletes who are so excited to be there (except the U.S. men's basketball team, punks). There are truly beautiful people all over the world.

I was so proud to be Greek and I ain't even Greek. Hellas! Hellas!

That photo of Dawn Staley leading the Team USA into the stadium is from the Athens 2004 Opening Ceremonies Image Gallery. Bonus: See if you can spot Diana Taurasi in the picture. Pigtails make good handles. Just sayin'.

Listen. Just listen.

No, this is Will Ferrell. That was definitely the president.

(via Mac)

We never get to see the best ad campaigns.

I've been outbid on several different attempts at a replacement cell phone. Always at the last minute (may all you bid snipers rot in hell). I did win two pairs of shorts and the FM transmitter, so far. All three arrived on Wednesday. Fucking Christmas!

I went to look at a room for rent in a house in South Minneapolis. It's a block from the Chatterbox, right off the light rail line, in pretty cool neighborhood that I've never hung out in much before.

The room was teeny. Like closet-sized. With an even smaller closet. I was planning on getting rid of most of my big stuff, but even the few things I wanted to keep wouldn't fit in this room. No closet space. Sharing the bathroom with two people. And the house is full. Like, junky full. Knick-knacks everywhere. There would be no room to put anything of mine anywhere.

But the kicker: She has four cats. Four! My nose was itching almost immediately. And when I got back in my car, I could see cat hairs floating around me. She said she doesn't like to mention it right up front because sometimes it turns people off. Well, no shit! There's a reason for that.

So that's a "NO." Looking at two more places tomorrow.

The Olympics Opening Ceremonies are gonna be DJed. How cool!

This week's Bonfire of the Vanities is brought to you by Kevin Donahue, who looks to be as ready for college football as I am.

A poem of Bushisms.

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

The tip of my right middle finger randomly decided to go numb today. I hadn't been leaning on it in such a way that would cut off the circulation. I just pulled my hand out of my pocket and it felt weird. I kept tapping it with my thumb. I'm sure the way I was staring and tapping looked a little strange. Took about an hour to go away. Trippy.

Later I dropped a heavy metal contraption on my left thumb. Not right on top of it like directly on the nail. Sideways. You know how you don't feel it for a second, and then the pain kicks in and it gets all hot? Like when you stub your toe? That's what happened to my thumb. It's still throbbing. There is the beginning of a bruise on one side of the nail. I hope it doesn't get all purple and ugly under there. I'm now realizing how much I don't use that thumb when I type. It's all the right thumb. Good thing.

UPDATE: 12:33 a.m.: Dude, it came back! My middle fingertip is numb again. I don't get it.

While I'm enjoying tennis and basketball and I'm excited for the Olympics, I am so ready for college football to start (especially since it's 60° here today).

BRING IT ON!

P.S. U.S. men's basketball: prima donnas. (via Women's Hoops Blog)

Without going into all the issues surrounding thong bikinis, I can't imagine that anyone would feel the need to be wearing a thong so badly that they'd convert their regular old bikini right there on the spot.

What happens if someone starts rubbing it?

(via Wanda Wisdom)

The Twin Cities is getting it's own local edition of The Onion! I didn't know The Onion even did this, but apparently several cities — New York, Denver-Boulder, Chicago, Milwaukee and Madison — already have their own special Onions. And we're ahead of San Francisco, Boston, and Austin! Whee!

We got word today that the FTC gave the go ahead for my company to be acquired. I know a lot of people hope we don't see big changes, but I hope we do. I learned more about my company and the deal in five minutes of reading the press release than I've heard about either in the 10 months I've been working there.

I felt better after I got all that off my chest last week, but I spent most of today just feeling disappointed. My supervisor, who I thought was listening to us (me, Big Worm, Sunshine Sinatra), continues to refuse to acknowledge that Lazy Overachiever is a problem. LO gets to do whatever the fuck she wants.

I hate when bosses get so desperate to have some feeling of control that they start picking on you over little stupid shit.

Example #1: I like to do crossword puzzles. It's not GMP to have a crossword puzzle on the production line, but even Stupidvisor said she didn't care, just don't let any of the big dogs see it. But this girl keeps confiscating my shit. Fine. Whatever it takes to make you feel better. I spent half the day today with my feet propped up on a garbage bin, staring at the wall.

Example #2: I was on a different line again today, and BW dropped by to ask me a question that required a little bit of discussion. My supervisor was in the room when he came over. We had our five-minute conversation, and then he left. And she immediately went and told him that his responsibility was the other line and he should really be over there. WTF is that? He could see his line from where we were sitting, it was fully staffed with perfectly capable operators, and it's not like he was camped out for 20 or 30 minutes. But it would have been okay if he was on break? Or taking a piss? Or delivering some paperwork? Or asking a work-related question?

But LO can walk off the line 45 minutes before quittin' time without telling anybody, to take a smoke break (above and beyond normally allotted breaks) and meet with the next shift (which is BW's job). Every. Day. BW said he mentioned that behavior to our supervisor today, so let's see if it continues.

Yeah, so today was ick. And that scratchafrickin' artificial grape smell gave me a headache. Stupid grape.

From Verizon's Terms of Service (emphasis mine):

2. Verizon reserves the right to deny Service to you, or immediately to terminate your Service for material breach, if your use of the Service or your use of an alias or the aliases of additional users on your account, whether explicitly or implicitly, and in the sole discretion of Verizon: (a) is obscene, indecent, pornographic, sadistic, cruel or racist in nature, or of a sexually explicit or graphic nature; (b) espouses, promotes or incites bigotry, hatred or racism; (c) might be legally actionable for any reason, (d) is objectionable for any reason, or (e) in any manner violates the terms of this Acceptable Use Policy.

3. You may NOT use the Service as follows: (a) for any unlawful, improper or illegal purpose or activity; (b) to post or transmit information or communications that, whether explicitly stated, implied, or suggested through use of symbols, are obscene, indecent, pornographic, sadistic, cruel, or racist in content, or of a sexually explicit or graphic nature; or which espouses, promotes or incites bigotry, hatred or racism; or which might be legally actionable for any reason;

So, supposing you posted a comment here from the host address pool-141-157-91-209.balt.east.verizon.net, using a Yahoo email address, making a snarky comment about President Bush killing all the gays. Via email I told you to "fuck off" and called you a "shithead." You indicated that my word choice indicates a lack of intellect. I asked you on two separate occasions to please leave me alone before you called me a "pussy eater" and reminded me that, "Lesbianism is nasty. As a matter of fact, all homosexuality is nasty." I then asked you a third time to please leave me alone.

I know your full name (presumably) and I happen to know where you go to college (presumably). Can I go to Verizon with this information? Yahoo? Anywhere else?

UPDATE: Thanks, everyone, for all the feedback. I'm going to report the incident to Yahoo and Verizon, and investigate Blogger's TOS as well. I'll see what comes of that. If it escalates, I'll think more about legal representation. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. In case anyone missed it or was wondering, here's my last encounter with this person. There were also a number of emails at that time, not unlike what I've received this time around.