Sick to my Stomach

She's got her reasons and I see where she's coming from. We're just not at the same place in life. Things have been unbalanced and that's not healthy for either of us.

She has the fortitude to stand up for herself and not put up with anything she can't handle. I admire that in her. I'm just heartbroken that it was me.

I feel like I totally failed. I failed to comprehend what was really going on. I failed to do anything about it.

It's no secret that I'm not thrilled with where I am in life. I hate my job. I hate being broke. I love my roommates, but I really need to have my own place. And so far I haven't been able to make any significant improvements where all of that's concerned. I might have a plan of sorts, but how long is it gonna take and how long is FG gonna be expected to wait? Because as long as I'm not happy with my life, I'm not able to be the best person I am for her.

Thing is, being with her made me feel like I could do all that stuff. Like I had someone to kick me in the pants and someone to lean on through it. And, frankly, I was so caught up in enjoying her that most of that other stuff got put temporarily on the back burner.

It all happened so fast. I feel like I didn't have time to intake and really understand. She moves a lot faster than I do in that regard.

I may not necessarily understand or agree with all of her rationale, but that's the way it is. If it's not working for her, it's just not.

Last night I looked into those gorgeous big blue eyes and I asked her one last time if there was anything I could do. "Take care of yourself," she said. And then I walked away.