Gratuitous Sports Post, or Why I Hate the Yankees

Anyway, today I wish to rant about sports. Not only sports, though. An athletic conspiracy, man.

Since I'm still just cutting my teeth on it and am not a real Masshole yet, I won't start going into how much the "Yankees Suck!" (for those of you not in the know, this is repeated ad nauseum just about anywhere in New England). I will note that the strangest time I ever heard this chanted was at a Dave Matthews concert at the Tweeter Center last September. I mean, I'd been to Fenway. I knew The Chant's prevalence. But I wasn't expecting a bunch of mellow drunk/high people to start it, believe you me. I also heard it at the Pats superbowl parade last year as I was getting crushed on the corner of Cambridge and Court Streets. Considering that, shocker, the Pats don't actually play the Yankees, I was surprised. But I ought not have been, because I also heard it the night they won the Superbowl.

Now, I won't pretend that the Yankees are a bad ballteam, and there is humor in their figurehead, George Steinbrenner (as any Sein-o-phile knows all too well). But even before I moved here and was initiated into the Red Sox Nation, I hated the Yankees. Why? Because of Drew Henson.

Henson was a homegrown Michigan QB who left the Wolverines after his Junior year, where he went 9-3 ... although that record wasn't altogether impressive, Henson's 32-31 loss to Purdue (and their QB, Caterpillarface Drew Brees), was still respectable. And Henson lost another close game, 54-51, to Northwestern, a team that was having a banner year.

The other loss was vs. UCLA. But QBing during this game was John Navarre, an ex-3rd stringer who was playing the while Henson was out with an ankle injury. Navarre put on a good show during the first two games of the season vs. Bowling Green and Rice (then again, these were "gimmes" anyway), and people were excited. But the loss to UCLA in the third game of the season pretty obviously could have been avoided if Henson had been healthy.

After that year, Henson, for whom Lloyd Carr had given up QB recruiting, left the team high and dry. Some had faith in Navarre, but I met John Navarre. Douchebag; Talks in the third person -- a la "Navarre wants a beer." I kid you not. So Navarre was awful and we were very unfortunately subjected to three years of him, him, and only him in the QB position. Navarre took us to 8-4 the next year (2001) and couldn't beat OSU until his senior year.

What does this have to do with the Yankees? Drew Henson was drafted out of high school by the Yankees and left the University of Michigan to join their farm system. And guess what? He turned out to not be so great at baseball, and doesn't even play anymore. So did he cost us another championship year? No one can say for sure, but the possibility is there.

Also, Steinbrenner went to Ohio State, who I think we could have beaten with Henson in 2001. So do I believe that there was a conspiracy? Yes, I do.

So, fuck you very much, Drew Henson, for giving us the Navarre years. Dark days, indeed, for any Michigan fan not blinded by the media's fawning over Navarre. And doubly-fuck the Yankees and Steinbrenner for making those years possible.

Forevermore I shall hate the Cowboys (Henson plays behind ancient Testaverde; it's only a matter of time) and Cardinals (Navarre was picked up by them, albeit only playing on their practice squad).

Alas, I've definitely overdone it with this post, so I'm spent.