Living With Your Parents
(via P6, who is a badass muthashutyomouth)
I knew that the average age of (first) marriage was getting later and later, but I didn't realize that people were living with their parents longer and longer.
Having just moved back out of my parents house at the tender age of 25, I've realized that my perception of "how old is too old" has changed. 25 is pushing it, but still okay if you have a good reason. 30, however, is out of the question. This guy needs to grow the fuck up:
In the job, James Navarro seems to be a model of mature adulthood. At 30, he is an appellate court lawyer in Brooklyn, working 50 hours a week on research to help judges decide cases.But look at the rest of his life, and the picture becomes murkier.
Mr. Navarro lives with his parents in Queens. His mother packs lunch for him a few times a week. His bedroom still has his high school baseball trophies and a giant stuffed bunny that was a present from a former girlfriend. On weekends, he plays touch football and goes drinking and clubbing with his two best friends — both about his age, fully employed and living with their parents, too.
"When I was in college, I thought I'd be married by 24 and have a house and kids by 30," Mr. Navarro said. "Now I think the idea of being an emotionally developed male by 24 is ridiculous. I want to get married and have kids someday. But I don't feel any pressure that it has to be soon."
You might not be ready to get married and have kids, but you sure as hell ought to be able to take care of yourself.
Also interesting:
Education takes longer. Only about a third of those who go straight from high school to four-year residential colleges graduate four years later. With so many young people taking time out to make money or change direction, most education experts now use six-year graduation rates as their benchmarks.
I knew a lot of people take 4.5 or 5 years to graduate (I did), but I didn't think the number of people graduating "on time" was so low.
The trend is most visible in New York - 30 percent of the New York-Northeastern New Jersey area's 22- to 31-year-olds live with their parents - followed by Los Angeles and other large, expensive cities.
Makes sense. But still. 30?
In part, Professor Furstenberg and others say, the longer transition to adulthood reflects an economy in which most jobs that pay enough to support middle-class life require years of advanced education. For most young people, that means years of semiautonomy, in which they piece together loans, part-time jobs and whatever money their families can provide. Many spend their 20's and early 30's shuttling between college and work, professional school and travel, community service and internships, never earning enough to settle down, marry and raise a child.
You don't have to be ready to move on in order to move out. I'd be very wary of getting involved with anyone who is moving right out of their parents house into mine.
At the Navarro household, in Maspeth, Queens, all four grown children are back home: James; his two brothers, 27 and 25; and their sister, 23.
So that guy's whole damn family is like that?! Sounds like a parenting issue.
Still, it is not the life Mr. Navarro envisioned. In high school, he was a star athlete, good enough, he thought, for a professional baseball career. To that end, he chose St. Thomas University in Miami. But his baseball dreams did not pan out, so after graduating he returned home and spent two years working as a security officer in Midtown Manhattan.
*cue violins*
I don't know if this is comforting or disturbing.
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This guy is full of shit. I left home at 16, PhD at 25. He makes it sound so difficult because he is a lawyer. He probably sleeps with his Mom...is he from Florida?
Sorry James, but you are a luh-hooOO-zer! Your former girlfriend probably gave you the giant bunny after you had a sleepy-time wee wee accident on your blankie.
heehee...what casey said! ;)
I read somewhere that "30 is the new 21" (which is good 'cause now I'm turning 21 in 2004!), meaning that our attitudes toward education and "settling down" have shifted. But that guy's taking it waaaayyy too seriously! Granted, all of my money goes toward rent and my car, but at this late age, I can't even deal with a roommate, let alone parental units.
But what I want to know is -- does she stitch his name into his briefs?
That shit is fucked up. ALL FOUR OF THEIR KIDS LIVE AT HOME! There is absolutely no reason for that 30-year-old lawyer to be living with his parents. I'm sure he and his friends can all afford get an apartment together. Was no one else disturbed by the fact that his mom PACKS HIS LUNCH a few times a week? How can he have any self-respect? People do move back home with their parents, often out of necessity. But he does not NEED to be living at home.
that's just wrong! i moved out of the house at 20 and would have gone sooner if i could have afforded to. as much as i love my parents, they would drive me *fricken* crazy if i had to live under the same roof with them again. i feel sorry for any woman who falls into a serious relationship with him -- he's got some serious issues here that he's not dealing with.
It's not about "being ready", or "31 is the new 21". It's about laziness, and leechy dependedness.
Many people like James are sucking up their parents retirement funds while they "save up to buy a house in cash".
People (men and women) like James are narcissistic navel gazers who think that it's below them to live any lower a standard than what their parents sweat to make for themselves.
Mommy makes his lunch? Gimme a fuckin' break!
I say, be a man.
Stop sucking on your parents teets!
You're not an adult until you live on your own, pay your own bills and are responsible for yourself for quite a few years.
What woman wants to marry or settle down with a manchild?
Bleh!
Seriously, James is my freaking hero. The only reason we all didn't do exactly what he did is because we either desperately wanted to get away from home, or our parents ingrained it in our heads that we would be moving out at a certain point. The dude goes clubbing, probably gets laid, and pays zero rent. Face it, we all would dig that.
The dude goes clubbing, probably gets laid, and pays zero rent. Face it, we all would dig that.
Sure I would, but coming home to my parents negates the enjoyment of all that other stuff.
If I was a parent, I would not let my child mooch off me like that. I've waited all this time to get back to living my own life and now you wanna stay? Hell naw.
I've lived on my own since '92 (age 18). Think of all the money I could have saved for a house (like that loser) instead of running up my credit cards and drowning in debt. But for all the financial woes, I am the happiest girl alive when I get home to MY apartment and eat MY food and hang out with MY cats. Ain't nobody mad when I roll in at 4 a.m., nor do I have to ask anyone to bring friends over for a party.
Dude sounds like he's got attachment issues, and I would never, ever let a man like that move from Mommy's house to mine. And that his brothers and sister are doing it, too? Jeebus! Freeloading freak show -- put them on Springer!!!
Hmmmm, from the looks of the comments here, guess my husband and I are the ONLY ones who don't have all the money we need to whatever the fuck we want at any time, without needing assistance from mom at some point?
Yeah. Mm-hm. Thought so. Mile in their shoes and all that...
Granted, we no longer live with his parents. But we used to. And the case referenced in the post is extreme, and even if it's just the 4 siblings they can get a place together outside of mom's if it came to that, BUT... if it weren't for DH's mom, we would have had to move back in several times over. Our financial picture is looking to get brighter come spring, but there isn't enough "thank you" in the world to express my gratitude to my mother-in-law for helping us out - first by allowing us to live with her for four years (not rent-free, but she *did* make us dinner since she was making some for her and FIL), and now that we're on our own, helping us with emergencies as they arise.
So we're nowhere near as bad as this family, but there are times where we need help. Help that his mom is more than willing to give. We don't ask, she offers. The thing I want to know is this: where is the line between getting some help from mom and being a loser?
The difference is if you're living with the parents because you *have* to, or if you're living with them because you just didn't feel like moving out.
Yep, I'd say the difference is that Kat and spouse are not lawyers. Obviously this dude makes good money and its less that he's there because of fiscal reasons and more because he was breast fed until he was twelve.
Okay now, Kat.
Do you honestly think everyone else out there has enough disposable cash to just spend on whatever they want at the drop of a hat? You're entirely missing the point. People don't opt to live on their own because they have money to just piss away every month. Living on your own is not a privilege for the spoiled. It's a right of passage for anyone who has enough common sense and self-worth to want to prove themselves.
A mile in whose shoes? We've all been broke. Lots of us still are. We could sit here all day and tell "my brokest moment" stories, but why? I find it short-sighted and self-centered of you to assume you're the only one who understands what it's like to be in a tough financial situation. You know that recession the country's been going through? It's affected everyone.
But if it makes you feel better, go ahead and assume that no one else understands what it's like to be disadvantaged.
Amen Em!
Em, you can get your panties OUT of that wad anytime now, m'kay? I was a little disconcerted that so many who had commented here were quick to judge someone who was living with mom, when I myself had just gotten out of that situation, EPECIALLY when there are so many people who know what it's like to be poor, probably INCLUDING some of the people who were being judgemental here. You were so quick yourself to judge me that you missed MY point entirely. I asked what the line was between loser and getting help, and your sister and Casey kindly pointed out the difference that I had somehow missed.
Maybe I'm not the only defensive one in the world after all...
I think y'all both had a point. On the one hand, shit happens. On the other, where there's a will, there's a way.
Just sayin'.
Kat, my panties aren't in a wad, but thanks for the advice.
Your point may have been to ask for clarification, and I saw your question, but it was hard to get past those first two attitude-laden paragraphs. If you really think that from reading all these other comments that the first two paragraphs of your comment were warranted, then more power to you. But I don't particularly need you preaching at me about how hard it is for poor little you and no one else, m'kay?
I was a little disconcerted that so many who had commented here were quick to judge someone who was living with mom, when I myself had just gotten out of that situation, EPECIALLY when there are so many people who know what it's like to be poor, probably INCLUDING some of the people who were being judgemental here.
No one here even remotely equated having to live with your parents with wanting to live with your parents. Go back and re-read.
Let's also remember that I just moved back out of my parents' house. I finally moved out, not because I could afford to, but because being there was generally annoying, and because the thought that I was 25 years old and living in my parents' house drove me up the wall. I'm more financially strapped now than I've ever been. As a matter of fact, I really can't afford my life as it is now. I was already in a hole and having to pay rent certainly isn't helping me get out of it. But it was that important to me to get out of there, so I did. We don't all have to make that same choice, though.
my husband and I are the ONLY ones who don't have all the money we need to whatever the fuck we want at any time, without needing assistance from mom at some point?
As Emily pointed out, nobody said that. Nobody even implied that. As a matter of fact, Emily's initial response ... People do move back home with their parents, often out of necessity. But he does not NEED to be living at home. ... was the same as the conclusion you just came to (after Casey and I pointed it out to you).
Yeah. Mm-hm. Thought so. Mile in their shoes and all that...
Based on my personal experience with you, this is one of your sensitive subjects. You were a little defensive, you did take a tone, and you got one right back.
I didn't read Emily's reply as defensive. Although in this case she's got nothing to be defensive about, since she's holding down two jobs to be able to pay her rent, but is still getting help from mom and dad which she'd rather not have to accept.