Maybe I DO Like Girls Because I Haven't Met The Right Man
Or at least the guys I know aren't helping their cause.
My girl-talking friend came over to the house Friday night so he could ride downtown with my loud-pissing dirtass roommate.
I was sleeping, but Friend decided that it would be okay to knock on my door. I throw pants on and poke my head out the bedroom door and they're dressed, jackets on, half out the door.
"Do you wanna come with?"
Do I look like I wanna come with? And you couldn't tell me you were even going out before 9:30 tonight?
Of course I'm still up when they come back at 1:00. I'm trying to watch my tape of Friday's Ellen and catch up on blogs at the same time. Roommate kneels down and passes out draped over the arm of the loveseat. Friend is standing there with my Rolling Stone in one hand and Us Weekly in the other.
"Which do you like better? Jessica Simpson or Reese Witherspoon?"
I try to keep my answers minimal so as not to encourage further discussion and say I don't really like either one.
"Well why not?!"
"Because Jessica Simpson is a dumb cunt and Reese Witherspoon is merely enh."
He looks at the Us Weekly again.
"What about Courteney Cox?"
"Nope."
"Debra Messing?"
"Nuh uh."
Fortunately now we've run out of girls on the cover.
Roommate wakes with a start, knocks one of my surround speakers on the floor, and stumbles off to bed, wiping his chin.
"Ooh, I didn't think about whether or not he knew about... you know... before I started asking you about those girls."
"We haven't had that conversation but if he doesn't know by now he's an idiot. Besides, he was totally asleep."
But thanks for opening your fat mouth about it without thinking.
And, later that/early the next morning when I went upstairs to grab a snack, Roommate happened to be in the bathroom peeing and farting (surprise).
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how is it that some guys can pee at a normal (quiet) volume and others can wake the house? hubby had a friend staying over once and, no joke, that guy could wake me up just by peeing! I joked that me must be standing on the countertop and aiming for the toilet 'cause i couldn't figure out any other way it could make such a loud sound! To top it off, he'd huck HUGE loogies first thing in the morning. I swear I thought I was gonna barf every morning. BTW, he's never visited us again.
Ooh, he hocks loogies, too.
Have you ever heard that Adam Sandler bit, The World's Longest Pee? That's totally him. With a shake shake here and a fart fart there.
On a positive note, he went on a "cleaning frenzy" and cleaned the kitchen. Mopped the floor and everything. Made space in the cupboards for some of my dishes that had been sitting on the counter with nowhere to go and put them away. I was astounded.
Reading about stuff like this makes me very glad I live alone.
Yep, "stupid" doesn't even begin to cover it. Jessica Simpson is just DUMB.
How much longer are you planning on living with this creature? I am struggling financially to live alone, but I couldn't deal with another roommate again to save my life.
Unless I get another or larger source of income, I'm staying with him for a while. But I know he's going back to school next year, so I guess at the most it's another 10 months. If I could afford it I never would have moved in in the first place.
Upon closer inspection, he didn't mop the floor, just wiped up the stuff he had spilled. But whatever, I'll take it.
Man needs some training at:
S-Train's Male Finishing School
heh heh heh...