reverb10 – December 21 – Future self

December 21 Future self.
Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

reflect and manifest reverb10

My 2015 self is going to tell my 2011 self to believe in yourself, leverage your friends, try something (anything) new to get your next job/biz going, get your LLC going dammit, embrace change because there’s gonna be a lot of it, and trust your wife. Always trust your wife.

My 2010 self is going to tell my 2000 self to PAY OFF YOUR CREDIT CARD DEBT AND SAVE UP GOTDAMMIT before you go blowing that money from your first real job. A Jeep Grand Cherokee isn’t the wisest choice of car, as much as you’re gonna love driving it. Go ahead and take that severance package and blow it on that road trip, but have a plan for afterward, fer chrissake. And don’t let anyone tell you that who you are is not good enough. Do you.

For the month of December, I’m participating in a project called #reverb10. You can read the creation story yourself; the short version is that it’s a month-long exercise in reflecting on the year and manifesting what you want for next year. There’s a daily prompt to which you respond as you see fit. View all my #reverb10 posts.

reverb10 – December 3 – Moment

December 3 Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

reflect and manifest reverb10

This is easy. THE moment of the year was my wedding. All 30 or so minutes of it. (It didn’t seem like it was gonna be that long…)

It is rare that I’m fully present in an experience for an extended period of time. Whether that’s good or bad is a conversation for another day, but that’s the fact of the matter. Granted, performing in your own wedding does require more focus than simply observing. Point being, my complete attention to the whole thing is remarkable. Which is a good thing, considering it was my wedding.

Here’s what I think of when I remember that day:

Love clear in Missy’s eyes and in her smile. The palpable love in the air from our friends and family. Marble. Our red and blue dresses in contrast with all that marble. Constantly admiring the shimmer in those dresses. Smiles. Sore cheeks from all that smiling. Tears. Laughter. Singing happy birthday to a bunch of people, Twin Cities Women’s Choir-style. Joy. Hugs. Squeals upon greeting out-of-town, rarely seen friends. One really sweet kiss from Missy at the end of the ceremony. The smell of my own sweat (I was nervous!). The smell of made-to-order omelets. The voices of trusted friends and family reading for our ceremony. Feeling completely comfortable in that dress. The smoky tones of Chastity Brown, singing Peter Himmelman’s “Cross That Bridge” (our song) which makes me cry every time I hear it. The sight of my family, visiting from Michigan, sitting at their tables.

So many tiny moments of bliss, all put together, all coming together, because I’m totally in love with a woman who’s totally in love with me, and we have friends and family who totally love us. Easily one of the most powerful experiences of my life.

For the month of December, I’m participating in a project called #reverb10. You can read the creation story yourself; the short version is that it’s a month-long exercise in reflecting on the year and manifesting what you want for next year. There’s a daily prompt to which you respond as you see fit. View all my #reverb10 posts.

My 2011 SXSW Interactive Panel Proposal

With a huge nudge from Adria Richards, I submitted a proposal to the Panelpicker for the 2011 South by Southwest Interactive Festival. You can read all you want about what the Panelpicker is, exactly. The short version is that the general public gets to submit ideas which are vetted by SXSW staff, whittled down, and then turned back over to the public for voting. Panelpicker votes, however, are only worth 30% in the selection process. The remainder comes from SXSW Interactive staff (30%) and an advisory board (40%).

So I made it over hurdle #1 (submitting something in the first place) and hurdle #2 (making it into the Panelpicker). My panel proposal is entitled How to Ensure a Diverse Tech Event:

Read on…

Proust Questionnaire

I’m fairly certain I had an aborted attempt to fill this out five six-ish years ago (thinking I was perhaps inspired by this guy). I got overwhelmed. If you could see the unpublished drafts behind the scenes here chronicling not-insignificant life events, you’d know that this is common.

But since Tiffany, Cecily, and Jason did it, I figured I’d give it a whirl and be in good company.

And also, I first drafted this post on Aug 31, 2009. It’s June 15, 2010.

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.
Read my answers!

Filling Out Our 2010 Census Form as a Gay, Multiracial Couple

I’ve been looking for recommendations for how to fill out the census form with regard to our relationship status.

Basically, if you in any way consider your same-sex partner to be your spouse, mark down Person 2 as your “husband or wife.” If you do not think of your partner as your spouse, mark down Person 2 as an “unmarried partner.”

2010 Census Form

For the large numbers of lesbian and gay couples who are not legally married in any way, I realize that this is completely subjective and that some say the more “correct” thing to do is mark yourself as unmarried partners. Outfront Minnesota specifically recommended the former choice. So did The Williams Institute. (pdf)

Both categories – spouses and unmarried partners – provide valuable information. Indicating that you consider yourself to be married will help advocates quantify how many people would get married if they could, and thus how many people are currently disenfranchised by a lack of marriage equality. Indicating that you consider yourself to be unmarried partners helps advocates quantify how many lesbians and gays there actually are in the country, since there is no other way to indicate that on the census form. More info on that at Our Families Count.

The FAQ at has further information on gender identity issues and also includes this piece of information:

A note for bi-racial couples: It is not widely known that the race of the household member who fills out the Census form determines the racial designation of a family in one of the Census’ major statistical tables. Given that people of color are often undercounted by the Census, couples or families may want to consider having a person of color identify as household member #1 when filling out the form for a family.

I had no idea! Good thing we had already decided I was to be Person 1.

2010 Census Form

Filling out the short form was really anti-climactic, but it was still fun to do. I felt like I made a statement. Count me, dammit!

2010 Census Form