I had a bit of a revelation the other day. Conveniently, I remembered it long enough to share it with my therapist.
The gist of it is thus:
A year ago I thought that a happy relationship could make everything else that sucked (and everything else did totally suck) not matter so much.
Now, that relationship is gone, but everything else sucks less. Okay, fine, for the most part, things are pretty good. Job sitch has turned around 180°. Choir has been fulfilling in a way that I could not have imagined. Running is cool. Metroblogging is cool. Living by myself for the first time ever is cool. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
Of course I’d like to have a happy relationship, but a relationship does not make you happy. It can make you happier, but it does not make you happy. And it does not make that other stuff matter that much less or go away. Balance. Balance is what you need.
But that’s not all. Oh, no, I’m on a roll. Moment of Self-Awareness #1B:
I’ve been sour on Xmas for a while. The fuzzy glow of my mom’s crazy orchestration dimmed a while ago. I’ve got this nagging loner tendency, and it makes me want to do things like spend the holiday by myself on purpose.
The second I had somebody I really wanted to be with, my whole perspective on Xmas changed. I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to put up the (2-foot) tree and the lights and have the dinner and go on the sleigh ride and make snow angels and all of that. I wanted the fuzzy glow back.
Needless to say, no fuzzy glow this year. This year, I have no idea what I’m doing for Xmas. Frankly, I’m having a hard enough time thinking beyond what needs to happen at work to worry about what to do with my four-day weekend which is… next weekend already (holy shit!). I know I’ll be working that week between holidays, even though I’m “on vacation” because there’s work that needs to be done. (I’m bitter, long story.)
I’m not going home. Last year was the first year I wasn’t in Michigan for Xmas (that’s hard to read). This year will be the second. I don’t have any plans. It’s not convenient or affordable for me anyway. Fly Girl warned me that spending Xmas by yourself sucks and that I should go home. But I really don’t want to go home just because I don’t have anything else to do. I want to want to go home, and I don’t. So I’m not.
Most of the Metroblogging cities have been participating in this network-wide theme about 7 gifts your city has given to the world. There’s a complete-ish list of the cities and gifts, or try the Technorati tags.    I think you ought to check out your city’s MB site if you have one. Really, the lists are pretty sweet.
Plus, I did all the Twin Cities ones m’self.
#7: The Great Gatsby
#6: The Minneapolis Sound (Prince, Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis, etc.)
#5: Rollerblading and Water Skiing
#4: Bob Dylan
#3: Peanuts (the cartoon)
#2: Post-it Notes and Scotch Tape
#1: Mall of America
That took a damn long time. I think they came out decent. I didn’t quite have it in me to give them a more personal touch. The Bob Dylan one was hard because, well, I’m not a Bob Dylan fan in the least.
My favorites from other cities are…
I put a deposit down on a L-y-n-x season ticket a couple months ago. I went to quite a few games last season, and I had gotten used to sitting in a particular section.
Yesterday was STH Select-a-Seat day. I had no intention of changing my seat, but I wanted to see what kind of other activities they’d have going on. There are plenty of STH’s who haven’t already locked in their seats, so this was more for them.
The seat I originally selected was in section 131, row A. This is near center court, behind the media table and benches.
Now, while I was at the Gopher game on Friday night, all the choir folks I was sitting with were talking about where their seats were. We agreed to meet up at NBA City to eat before our designated seat selection times. When I got there this afternoon, they were already sitting out in the Target Center. They all moved over a couple sections from where they usually sit. They had managed to wrangle a bunch of seats together, in Section 111, Row L. So I decided that I’d rather sit with people I know than be over in the part of the arena that I like best all by myself.
I’m the 7th in our group. Our account rep is going to try and get us in a bunch, in two rows. Worst case, we’re 7 seats in one row. Which puts me exactly opposite where I was before. Midcourt, 11 rows farther back, facing the benches. Really, not too shabby. With folks I know and like, and at one-third the price.
I’m ready for the season to start now. *antsy pants*
So, I joined a choir. The Twin Cities Women’s Choir. Best thing I’ve done in years!