I’ve been working on this for days now. Some answers came real quick, some took a while, and some were just hard to explain. I got the idea from LT, via watergirl.
In no particular order, 10 Things I Really Want But Can Never Have.
1. Good people skills. I can always practice and alcohol certainly helps a little, but i’m just not a naturally charming, charismatic person. I process things a smidge too slowly to be able to think/speak/engage on my toes.
2. A president I’ll be truly happy with. The chances of finding something who completely or even mostly agrees with me on everything is slim enough. The chances of getting enough other people to vote for this person is even slimmer. And I’ll never run for president.
3. Perfect hair. The curl is a little too tight and the texture a little to coarse to wish for a nice curly shiny air dried finish. And it does unpredictable things with the relaxer in (besides the fact that it defeats the purpose of relaxing it if i’m just gonna wet it down all the time). I can think of some people whose hair is my idea of perfect, but I’ll never have their hair.
4. The perspective I have now, when I was younger. This is also kind of wishing for some of that precious time back. I don’t wish that I had skipped any of those high school and college relationship experiences, but I wish I could have worked through them and realized some things about human nature a little faster.
5. Whitney Houston’s voice. Self explanatory.
6. My friend Tim. I used to have a little crush on him. We met when i joined a campus group that he was already a member of. He was one of the cool ones. I remember being so excited, the first summer i spent in Minneapolis, to go back to Ann Arbor for his birthday (my roommates-at-the-time can attest to this). Except that while i was home that weekend he came out to me. We were in his Saturn, driving to Mr. Greek’s for breakfast, and he said to me, “I’m gay and Patrick is my boyfriend.” And I think I said something inane like, “Congratulations.” And now we’re both gay. And Patrick is long gone, which is okay because he turned out to be a total a buttmunch. (J/K! Mostly. Just checking to see if he’s reading. But he’s one of my bestest friends and he’s perfect that way. And he’s got the most delicious ghetto booty which is fun to look at but not something I’m inclined to do anything with except maybe pat in a playful way from time to time.)
7. The ability to teleport. It doesn’t happen in nature. Even if mankind could invent some way to “beam me up” it’s not gonna happen in my lifetime. But think of how much you could save on travel (unless the beaming business becomes a commercial endeavor).
8. Lucy Lawless. I mean, come on. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility that I might ever run into her. Under extraordinary circumstances, we might even be friendly acquaintances, but there’s gonna be no Bingo Bango between me and the most gorgeous Kiwi to ever come out of New Zealand. Even if I were to ask myself What Would Xena Do?
9. My mom to have the last 20 years of her life back and not have had to completely sacrifice her personal goals because she wanted to devote more time to motherhood but my dad refused to help out. Also self explanatory.
10. A matriarchal society. This is borne mostly out of curiosity. The only way this could possibly happen, on a global scale or in the United States, would be for some catastrophe to wipe out the majority of the population and for the survivors be mostly women (by a significant margin).
And, since I cheated on #6….
11. My own island. I hesitated to add this, because there’s no way to be 100% sure that I’ll never ever be a gazillionaire. But given the amount of money required to purchase and maintain a private island to my satisfaction, coupled with the availability of small private islands, the chances are pretty damn slim. I think I’ll get that matriarchy first.
