Now I want an omelette

10 Mar 2003 By

From an email forwarded by my mom:

If you think life is bad,
how would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes four minutes to get hard.
Only two minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 6 other guys.
But worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.

  • http://thewatergirl.blogspot.com the watergirl

    funny, i enjoyed my first ever omelette tonight. not bad. better once it had some frank’s red-hot on it

  • http://picklejuice.yatescentral.com Natalie

    Your *mother* sent you that?

    Three kids later and my own mother pretends that I don’t know what sex is.

    Sigh.

  • http://www.swirlspice.com Erica

    As long as my mother doesn’t ask me any specific or pointed questions, it’s a’ight. I figure by a certain point she should just assume that I’ve had it and leave it at that.

  • http://thewatergirl.blogspot.com the watergirl

    i think my mom still thinks i’m a virgin. which is fine, because i was until a year ago, anyway.

    unfortunately, my mom thinks it’s okay sometimes to divulge details of her and my father’s sex life. believe me, i’d much rather she acted like i didn’t know what it was sometimes.

  • http://www.swirlspice.com Erica

    *plugs ears* LA LA LA LA LA LA

  • http://picklejuice.yatescentral.com Natalie

    I’ve caught my parents in the act a few times – most notably was one night when me and some friends decided to hang at my place because my parents were supposed to be away…we walked into a horrific scene…my nude mother splayed across our *kitchen table* getting her toes sucked by my nude, masturbating father.

    Holy shit, I’ve never shared that with anyone before.

    I feel like I need a shower.

  • http://beenie.highlymoody.com/ Kat

    Actually, I think knowing your parents have a sex life is a lot better than knowing they don’t. My mom used to tell me about how my dad has absolutely no libido, they’ve had sex maybe 5 times in the last 5 years, etc…

    I’d much rather walk in on my parents havng sex than feel awful that my mom feels unloved.

  • http://www.swirlspice.com Erica

    Kat, while I know what you mean. But in the interest of my personal sanity, I’m much more comfortable with the fact that my folks have been doing the separate bedrooms things for a good 15 years at least than having the scenario that Natalie described burned into my brain.

    Your friends were with you? I’m mortified.

  • http://thewatergirl.blogspot.com the watergirl

    natalie, that may be the worst thing i’ve ever heard. my mom may mention that she’d like me to go out one night a weekend if i’m planning on staying in, something like that. i’ve never, NEVER caught them, because according to mom, dad doesn’t like to “do it” when us kids are home. or if we’re awake, anyway.

  • http://beenie.highlymoody.com/ Kat

    It’s a matter of perspective for me. While I’m sure I would have been scarred if I had seen my parents in that same scene, by now I’d like to think at this age I’d have come to the realization that you know what? People have sex. Whether or not they’re my parents.

    Having to deal with a clinically depressed, defeatist mother who probably places more value than necessary on the fact that she doesn’t get any, coupled with a father who says she’s his life and can’t picture being without her, but acts completely differently is a whole other story.

    To me, anyway. But those are my own family issues. Everyone has ‘em. And I’m not sure I’d want to see anyone I know jerking it at the kitchen table while sucking his woman’s toes, much less my parents. But for me, that image is better than the one I currently have.