I just completed Phase II of the Thong Comfort Testing Project, and by jove, I think I’ve got it! The thong, demystified! I tried and tried to understand the appeal of the thong, but now I’ve figured out how I can manage it comfortably. There’s two aspects to it. Tim, this is where you plug your ears and say la la la la la.
The first part is materials of construction. My problem before was that the models I test-drove had a… a… what do you call the part that goes up your butt, anyway? I’m just gonna refer to it as the floss. Anyhoo, previous models had floss the size of a gym rope. You gotta get something a little stringier, or at least in some really thin material so it folds neatly.
The second part is placement. The tendency is to pull those babies up snug and tight, like with regular drawers (that’s pronounced draws). Don’t do that! You only need to pull them up ’til the waistband is where you want it. Do not attempt to situate the floss. It will lay naturally. The thing is, if you try to pre-wedge the floss into place, you will invariably settle it slightly off-kilter, and as you start to move around, it will slide, and when it slides it will pull. And abrade. But it will never actually move to where it needs to be (no matter how much you tug on it, and you tugging on a thong is far more embarrassing than trying to dig out a wedgie), so it will continue to pull. And abrade. And it will drive you mad. Plus, it really doesn’t need to lay that deep between the cheeks.
So, in summary: thin floss and don’t wedge it. Voila!
