To quote Eric Cartman, “GOD DAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIT!” I got tricked into giving Hoss my email address.
Backing up for a sec. She calls the house. My mom gives me the phone with no warning. I have no choice but to agree to pick her ass up from work tomorrow and take her to pick up her car from the dealership. This after hearing the fucking sob story about how my dad and my grandpa both were unavailable. This will involve me driving all the way across town and back, on scratcha-frickin’ 696 no less, throughout the entirety of rush hour traffic tomorrow and having to entertain her ass for part of that time. She’s gonna diss whatever it is I’m listening to whether it’s Cher or NPR or whatever. She’s gonna try and nail me down into spending time with her kids (The Ponies). But I can deal. I can suffer through two hours tomorrow. I didn’t have anything planned anyway.
But here’s the real tragedy. She asked if I was enjoying spending time at home. I said that it was a’ight, that I was just watching tv and checking my e-mail. MISTAKE! MISTAKE! She asked me what my email address was. I had a moment where I knew something bad was about to happen but I couldn’t… quite… figure it out in time. I spilled it. She immediately says “Oh good, now I know where to send all these fun emails because I can’t send ‘em to your work address anymore.” FUCK! FUCK! She’s one of those annoying ass people who forwards every single unfunny joke and sappy sentiment that shows up in her inbox. I suppose I should be happy that she’s thinking of me, but come on now. And then I should have, in that very moment, asked her to please not send that stuff. I don’t know what my reason would have been, but I would have come up with something. But I didn’t. MISTAKE! MISTAKE! She already almost got me in trouble at work by forwarding an old wrinkly naked Santa Claus picture. Okay, she didn’t really. Get me in trouble that is. She did actually send the picture. But she would have believed me if I told her that.
I’ve already set up a filter. If I report her messages as spam, does Yahoo send her a message telling her she’s a spammer? I suppose I could still ask her not to send me that stuff. Craft a reply to the first piece of crap that comes my way. I’ll take suggestions for a good excuse to give her. I feel like I should try to avoid being openly mean, but I’m not opposed to being very direct. So what’s a nice way to say “I don’t want this crap, so STOP SENDING IT!”?
