On Again, Off Again

14 Mar 2005 By

So, about Fly Girl. We broke up again. I’m not gonna discuss details. I haven’t talked to her in a couple weeks. I have no idea if/how long that will continue.

My perspective on it is a little different from last time. As much as I think it would help me feel a little better if I could be mad at her, I cannot muster one ounce of animosity towards her. I love her. I really do. I’m sad it hasn’t worked out. But a part of me feels like our paths are destined to cross again. By coincidence or by design. And I don’t think that has to be a bad thing. Maybe we’re not meant to date, but my life has truly been enriched by her and I think it would be a shame if she were no longer a part of it.

I’m trying to keep busy. Roommates and Pals have been good about taking me out and keeping me company on the weekends. I’ve perhaps spent a little too much money keeping occupied. I try to keep a constant flow of external stimulation. I’ve been sleeping with talk radio on. Last weekend when it was so nice out and I went for a walk was the first time since the break up that it was quiet in my head and I had a helluva time with that. Not pretty. But the process takes time.

All my friends have been great about listening and been all unconditionally supportive and whatnot. I think I need to work through this some more in a different way, though. There’s something to be said for being confident in who I am and not second-guessing my choices and behaviors, but I know there are lessons to be learned from this whole thing, too. I had hoped to talk to Maestro about it, because strange as it sounds since he’s FG’s friend, I think he’d be more objective about the situation than anyone else I know. But that hasn’t happened (yet?).

All I can do now is wait it out, and “take care of [my]self,” as FG wisely suggested. Lord knows there’s other things I can focus on.

Anyway, I thought y’all should know.

:(

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  • http://www.kazoofus.com KathyHowe

    awwww…I’m sorry but I do have to say I like your attitude about it.

    Some people are not meant to date or be together romantically. The Boy is a great example of that in my life.

    Hang in there!

  • http://journal.amanita.net/ Meredith

    Many hugs for you.

  • http://blownfuse.mu.nu tiffany

    *hugs* and *beer*

  • http://fridayfishwrap.com MJ

    :( But Tiffany’s onto something. There’s not much in the world that can’t be fixed with hugs and beer. Mas hugs and cervezas!

  • EatShiz

    Sorry to hear this, Erica. ((hugs))

    I can definitely relate, as I had a similar situation going on not long ago and I, too, feel like that person’s path and mine will cross again. How that will turn out when it happens is anyone’s guess.

    Retail therapy is very soothing. Been there, done that, got the credit card bills to prove it.

  • http://keith721.dyndns.org/mt/ keith

    Like KH, I’m terribly sad to hear your news, but it’s wonderful to hear you’re looking at it with the right perspective.

  • http://www.davetepper.net Dave

    I always said you had an amazingly good head on your shoulders. I’m sorry this didn’t work out, but I think now you have more confidence to put yourself out there.

    She’s waiting for you. I don’t who “she” is, but she’s waiting. And you only have to hit the jackpot once.

    *big squeezy hugs*

  • http://www.mysocalledblog.com Lachlan

    I agree with Kathy; you attitude is very Zen and on the money.

    There’s no doubt in my mind that all this happened for a reason, and that you got a lot of good experience out of it.

    Hang in there, girl.

  • http://www.geofbrown.net/ Geoff Brown

    That really blows, Erica, and I’m sorry to hear it. Glad to see that you’re able to hold on to the positive aspects of the relationship, though — it’s a trait I’ve been known to lack. :-)