Several factors conspired to put me in a bit of a bad mood. For the first time, in a long time, I was just sad.
It’s really not a great idea to read other people’s blogs in which they are candid and forthright and let you in and make you feel along with them. And to also have “mood” music playing.
And then to think about how much you are hating life right now. And how you feel really powerless to change it. Or maybe you know what to do but you’re afraid to do it. Because you seem to have this fucked up all-or-nothing approach to change and risk, which used to be a lot more “all” and is now a whole lotta “nothing.”
Frankly, I’m a little embarrassed to put the rest of it up here. It’s recorded elsewhere for posterity, but I can’t bring myself to post it in its entirety. I spewed it all out, and the second I finished, I started to doubt it and qualify it and all this junk which is part of the problem in the first place.
But having Britney Spears come on the ol’ iTunes will snap you out of it pretty quick (if it doesn’t just piss you off).
Meh. Carry on.
